Separation and divorce can unleash powerful emotions, including anger, anxiety, betrayal, and grief. My role as a mediator is to help couples navigate their emotions while adhering to the principles of Canadian family law. It can be a tightrope walk, where empathy and objectivity must be carefully balanced.
In my family mediation practice, I offer a safe space where clients can pour out their pain, anger, and heartache. I strive to validate their feelings and allow them to vent their emotions (mostly in private), so they can come more calmly to the negotiation table.
Yet, there's an unyielding truth that many clients find hard to accept. Divorce in Canada is a no-fault process. No matter how saintly or devilish one party may seem, emotions do not sway the scales of justice in family law. Except in extreme cases, each party has equal access to the children and the finances. It's a hard pill to swallow, and it can feel like a bitter betrayal of one's own pain, yet part of my job is to educate clients to come to terms with the fact that they may be living half of the time away from their children, or making regular payments to a person they no longer like.
Infidelity, for example, is irrelevant. The guiding star is whatever is in the best interest of the child or children, despite of their personal grievances as spouses or parents. The law is clear that the best interest of the child normally entails a strong bond with both parents and a standard of living that is relatively equal across both homes.
Sometimes it’s a hard call for us as professionals. On one hand, we risk being perceived as too soft, too immersed in the clients' emotions, bordering on practicing therapy. On the other, when emphasizing the legal parameters, we risk being seen as lacking empathy for the very real pain our clients are enduring.
We must be compassionate witnesses to the pain our clients express, while also being steadfast champions of the law's principles. We must be the calm voice that guides parties toward a respectful, level playing field where balanced negotiations can lead to greater understanding and a better future.
In the end, divorce mediation is about more than resolving disputes; it's about helping people rebuild their lives by becoming cooperative co-parents. It’s about facilitating a process that allows individuals to find closure, move forward, and learn open communication, all while recognizing the immense emotional weight they carry.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mike MacConnell, founder of Reflective Mediation, is an accredited family mediator, conflict coach, educator and author. He is the highest-ranked mediator on Google in the greater Toronto area, with over 180 5-star reviews. To book your free consultation click here.
