What is Reflective Mediation?
Reflective mediation is a specific approach to family mediation that prioritizes deep listening, empathy, and understanding particularly in the context of separation and divorce. It is a modern approach to conflict resolution that deescalates disputes using skills that anyone can learn. One of our trained facilitators guides parties to work toward their shared goal: a mutually acceptable Separation Agreement, or agreement on other interpersonal issues, with relationship repair along the way.
In the context of separation and divorce, Reflective Mediation can be especially beneficial as it reduces or eliminates adversarial interactions and is based on conversation over confrontation and conflict. It acknowledges the profound emotional journey and financial insecurity that comes with ending a marital relationship and seeks to ensure that parental and financial decisions are made with care, respect, and understanding. The foundation of the process includes the following:
Financial and Psychological Interests: While family law traditionally addresses only the financial aspects of separation (like support payments and asset distribution), Reflective Mediation addresses those topics and is equally attentive to the emotional and psychological needs of the parties. This leads to a more sustainable and mutually satisfying Separation Agreement with respect to both financial and parenting issues.
Relationship Repair: Reflective Mediation emphasizes the importance of truly listening to each party's perspective. This isn't merely about hearing words, but about understanding emotions, concerns, and the deeper issues underlying those words. By ensuring each person feels heard, the process can help alleviate some of the emotional pain and misunderstandings that often accompany divorce.
Reflection: A significant aspect of this approach is the mediator's role in reflecting back, or summarizing, what they have heard from the speaker, and asking parties at times to do the same. This act of mirroring can be instrumental in clarifying miscommunications, validating feelings, and ensuring accurate understanding. When one party hears their own sentiments mirrored back, it can provide clarity, and when the other party hears it, it can foster empathy.
Empathy and Non-Judgment: Family Law in Canada is a no-fault process. Reflective Mediation supports that principle by emphasizing empathy over judgement. Instead of rushing to solutions, the mediator first ensures that each party feels emotionally supported and understood. This empathetic stance is crucial for creating a safe environment where parties can express their interests without fear of judgment, despite differences in financial or parenting issues.
“Our mission is to help individuals resolve crisis in their lives, and thereby to enrich their relationships.”
– Mike MacConnell and associates
About Mike MacConnell
Mike is a former Professor of Family Mediation (Separation and Divorce) at Humber College, Toronto, and the author of The Yoga of Divorce. A mediator, communication coach, and workshop facilitator. Mike is a certified member of the Ontario Association for Family Mediation (OAFM), the Alternative Dispute Resolution Institute of Ontario (ADRIO), the Family Dispute Resolution Institute of Ontario (FDRIO), Mindfulness Without Borders, and the Ontario College of Teachers (OCT) .
Mike MacConnell, Director of Reflective Mediation, previously owned and operated a private high school with 250 students and a staff of 25 (SOLA, School of Liberal Arts, 1989-2010). He understands workplace issues from both sides of the table. As a lead trainer for the Conflict Resolution and Training branch of St. Stephen’s Community House in Toronto, he has offered dozens of workshops and mediations in workplace settings.
He is an AccFM (Accredited Family Mediator) specializing in helping couples to divorce peacefully and to create their own unique separation agreement or marriage contract. As author of The Yoga of Divorce, A Mindful Route to Resolving Disputes (2016), and former Professor of Family Mediation at Humber College in Toronto, Mike has become a leading figure in the field of non-adversarial divorce, due in large part to his study and practice of NVC (Non-Violent Communication) as developed by Marshall B Rosenberg.
Mike is a certified CPMed (Child Protection Mediator) through the OAFM (Ontario Association for Family Mediation), as well as an accredited mindfulness practitioner, certified to work with adults, youth and the elderly through Mindfulness Without Borders and The Sarana Institute.
He is also an AccIM (Accredited Elder Mediator) through the OAFM (Ontario Association for Family Mediation) and an EC (Eldercaring Coordinator) through ACR (Elder Justice Initiative on Eldercaring Coordination), professions designed to ensure that different opinions about the care of elderly are resolved legally and in the best interest of the elderly person.
Other qualifications include QMed (Qualified Mediator) through ADRIO (Alternative Dispute Resolution Institute of Ontario). He has been a certified High School Teacher and accredited member of OCT (Ontario College of Teachers) since 1978. Ans he is a certified member of FDRIO (Family Dispute Resolution Institute of Ontario).
The Reflective Mediation Approach
I want to change the way people experience themselves in difficult conversations.
Mike MacConnell is an innovator in the field of mediation and dispute resolution by striving to transform crisis into opportunity. His practical, solution-based guidance helps clients reach agreement with minimum emotional fallout and maximum personal growth.
Extensive study and research led Mike to formulate a dispute resolution model that combines traditional ADR (Alternative Dispute Resolution) with stress reduction practices such as MBSR (mindfulness-based stress reduction).
The long-term goal of Reflective Mediation goes beyond solving the immediate crisis to include long-term relationship repair. When managed well, parties develop new communication skills in addition to finding lasting solutions to the issues at hand. Through years of experience, Mike has witnessed how individuals, families and communities become better prepared to resolve future issues by complementing mediation services with Conflict Management Coaching, and the practice of mindful stress management.
Discover how this approach can be applied to fit your needs.
About Our Team
About Alex Howard
Alex Howard, B.A., AccFM, founder and lead Mediator at Midtown Mediation, and graduate of York University's mediation program, opened her clinic with the goal of supporting clients through the tumultuous journey of separation and divorce.
Alex's ability to connect with her clients and understand their needs, allows clients to de-escalate conflict and reach an agreement. On a mission to normalize and educate, Alex also co-hosts a divorce podcast, Dirty Laundry, with colleague Amanda Silver.
With an undergraduate degree from the University of British Columbia, and years of running a successful events business, Alex switched gears to a more meaningful path of helping others through the difficulty of separation and divorce.
After completing schooling from both Humber College and York University, Alex opened her practice with the goal of using a facilitative approach to support her clients through the often cathartic and always empowering process of Alternative Dispute Resolution. Mediation is a personalized service addressing the needs and concerns of individual cases allowing for much more of a targeted approach to agreement. As a Certified Coach as well as an Accredited Family Mediator (Acc.FM), Alex is able to assist clients to devise a plan that is just right for them.
With a practice specializing in online Mediation, Alex is able to provide a service that allows clients to prioritize getting the help they need without having to leave the comfort of their own home, worry about childcare, or wrestle with traffic or weather.
With over two decades working with people in stressful situations, Alex is no stranger to the difficulties that those in conflict face and is skillful in helping folks not just manage those situations, but truly thrive.
About Amanda Silver
Amanda is an Accredited Family Mediator, a Court-Connected Family Mediator, and a member of the Ontario Association for Family Mediation (OAFM). In addition, she is co-host of the popular divorce podcast, Dirty Laundry. Amanda is certified in Online Dispute Resolution and provides comprehensive family mediation services which includes parenting plans, child support, spousal support, and property division.
Amanda has extensive experience with high-conflict files and uses this experience and conflict-resolution skills to help de-escalate conflict to support parties in coming to a resolution. In addition to mediation, Amanda also provides separation and divorce coaching for individuals going through the divorce process.
Amanda completed her mediation training through York University and Family Mediation Training Canada. After going through the divorce process herself, Amanda was inspired to become a family mediator with the hope of helping others going through separation and divorce.
In addition to being a family mediator, Amanda is also a teacher and a member of the Ontario College of Teachers (OCT). She spent several years teaching kindergarten before moving on to grades six through eight. Amanda has extensive experience working with children and families from a variety of backgrounds. She takes great pride in her ability to bring families together, improve communication, and assist them in coming to a resolution.
OUR Testimonials
“I can’t express my appreciation fully for all the help you provided me. Thank you for bearing witness, even when it was painful. Thank you for lending your support, for offering your expertise and effort and for being a voice of reason, logic and comfort.”
Rita B.
“Mike's patience, ability to guide a conversation and capacity to facilitate a dialogue among conflicted family members, are but a few of his unique talents. He listens attentively, is open to unusual ideas, and makes all engaged parties feel important. I know that Mike genuinely cares about helping others, and as a parent have benefited from his wisdom and advice on many occasions.”
EWA KASINSKA, OCT, MATHEMATICS TUTOR
“Michael is a total professional. Not only is he well-qualified, but he understands the dynamics between people and how to elicit what they are feeling and thinking. He sticks with the issues, refusing to take sides. Anyone who works with him is lucky since he is a real professional - he has something to profess.”
