One of the growing areas of my mediation practice is mediating family disputes over COVID vaccinations. Here’s what I suggest to family members who want everyone to be vaccinated.
A direct attack on the ideology becomes an attack on the person. Respectful engagement is the only approach that has been shown to bring about change that is safe and socially beneficial.
1. Pause. Take a Breath. Get Curious.
Avoid aggression; cultivate curiosity. Resist the impulse to judge and inquire instead into what the person is worried about. Is it fear of vaccine? Anger at society? Distrust of experts? Inquire with sincerity to learn the human story behind their beliefs.
2. Identify values you share
Build rapport by finding out what matters to this person. Are they refusing the vaccine because they fear it will make them sick? Then you both share the goal of avoiding illness. Is it because they distrust the source of information? If that’s the case, then you both agree that finding truth matters. You can connect with one another’s humanity even though reached different conclusions. “We both don’t want to get sick. Tell me why you think global research results are wrong?”
3. Challenge their method, not their facts
People who are vaccine hesitant don’t usually consider themselves anti-science. They believe themselves to be sceptics who just have doubts. Beneath their doubt, however, lies a deep distrust. They frequently rely on conspiracy theories posed by fake experts and denigrate the evidence presented by respected experts.
Instead of contradicting their “facts”, challenge how they acquire and use their facts. How certain are they about the sources they rely upon? How did they gain such trust in their experts? Is their expert selling anything or making a profit by promoting their ideas? On what basis has their expert refuted the authority of global research? Does your expert claim certainty?
4. Focus on how science functions.
The vaccine hesitant commonly believe that science must be perfect to be credible. They interpret the changing advice from health experts as evidence of flawed research. Actually, a defining feature of sound science is that theories are matters of probability, always open to adjustment as new evidence emerges. The fact that medical advice on COVID keeps changing shows that science is functioning well by responding to new evidence.
Ask if they’re motivated by science or ideological belief. If they claim science, try asking “what evidence would cause you to change your mind?” They can’t claim a scientific attitude unless they can identify the evidence that would disprove their belief. Have they actively looked to see if evidence exists that would challenge their theory?
In Summary
The subtext of this approach is that you are positively aligned with one another in a shared inquiry. You agree on the importance of finding truth. At the same time, you are scrutinizing their method to encourage them to question their rock-solid certainty. You aren’t claiming certainty that they are wrong, only inviting them to explain their reasoning.
You are treating the vaccine-hesitant person as an intelligent and ethical seeker after truth. This respectful approach CAN shift their stance so they decide freely, without coercion, to become more socially compliant. In doing so they will better protect themselves and others.
Individuals are open to change when they feel safe. It comes about following connection with someone they trust, with whom they are personally engaged, and by whom they feel respected.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mike MacConnell, founder of Reflective Mediation, is an accredited family mediator, conflict coach, educator and author. He is the highest-ranked mediator on Google in the greater Toronto area, with over 180 5-star reviews. To book your free consultation click here.
